i find these ideas
in the dark of night
where the bliss runs
deeper than the woods
i leave myself in
where love finds claws
and my back turns
to scars from everything
i once stood in front of
everything i thought
would never reach me
we turn to ourselves
in darkness
in the shadows where
i leave myself
beneath the leaves
when summer turns
and everything begins
changing colors
before we even notice
what has already gone
the green becoming gold
the warmth becoming memory
i speak into
where i lead
like lights in the distance
how they glisten
how beautiful they seem
until we arrive
and find the edges
sharper than we imagined
the glow becoming something
we can finally touch
and realizing
not everything bright
was meant to warm us
i look for you
where you are
where we left each other
in that night
when i spoke
and you spoke
and neither of us knew
what to do with the questions
we hated being asked
the words sitting between us
like glasses left untouched
on a table
after everyone had gone
i know i stand here
alone
by myself
and i feel you have drifted
further than i have
somewhere beyond
where i still look for you
where the distance feels
less like miles
and more like silence
but i can’t keep
what i never had
and i’ll never ask
to have something
that does not want
to be held by me
because even open hands
grow tired
when they keep waiting
for something to fall into them
we made motions
i made moments
and i’m glad we spent
the time we had
the grooves that were followed
the hands that found each other
the little ways
we made something
without knowing
how long it would stay
or if it ever belonged
to either of us at all
i cherish what i had
i love for what i did
and things can take
just as easily
as they can give
they can leave warmth
and still leave emptiness
they can disappear
and somehow remain
in places we no longer touch
so i’ll give myself
in pieces
like i did that night
when i gave you my heart
without asking
for yours in return
and maybe that was enough
to know i could still open
to know i could still feel
to know something in me
was willing to risk
being left behind
because i do not regret
the hand i held out
only how long
i kept it there
and now
i let it fall gently
back beside me
still warm
from having reached for you
for the very last time