to ride this song
i feel it in my bones
the depth i used to reach for
in people i thought would accept
all the wrongs
and all the rights
all the pieces i carried
without knowing where to place them
the things i kept hidden
because i thought love meant
being understood without speaking
and i find this time
in this light
in this day
in everything that feels
a little more right
and i listen for the song
how it continues
the fade in and out
the purpose of
everything i said
and everything i meant
even when the two
were never quite the same
even when silence carried
more than i knew how to say
and i sing this song
for the beat to carry
everything i knew i needed
the weight
the warmth
the things i thought
had to come from somewhere else
before i knew
they could begin in me
before i knew a heart
could echo on its own
without another one
answering back
i find myself here
in this song
and in this wind
where everything circles
and what is meant
somehow begins
without asking
without forcing
without needing
to be held too tightly
like some things only stay
when you stop trying
to keep them
and i carry you
like i knew
like i was
like i forgot
all this time
had gone
like memory could bend
just enough
to make the distance
feel softer
like your name could still live
somewhere in the room
without needing
to belong there
in misery we find our truths
and my truth was always
what was coming
not what was
what waited ahead
not what i kept turning
to see behind me
and maybe that is why
the past felt so heavy
because i kept asking it
to become the future
this time i find myself
down by the river
singing a song i never knew
i could sing
how a tune could carry
how water could move
without asking where it goes
how something can leave
and still make everything
around it feel alive
how even the river
never keeps
what passes through it
i feel so grateful for time
for how the wind can pick up
and leave again
for how the trees still move
after it passes
and how i can turn
and the tables
how they do too
slowly
quietly
until what once faced you
faces somewhere new
until the chair across from me
becomes just a chair again
i find love in myself
in things
in places
in where i choose to leave it
because where i place it
means everything
and maybe that was
what i never understood
that love does not disappear
when someone cannot hold it
it simply waits
for somewhere softer
to land
and when you have nowhere
to place it
you place it in yourself
you let it fill the rooms
you once kept empty
you let it sit beside you
without asking
who else might come
you let it become quiet
without mistaking quiet
for loneliness
because time has a funny way
of bringing you
what you desire
when desire becomes softer
when you stop asking
for something to complete you
and begin to feel
what was already there
the warmth beneath the wanting
the part of you
that never actually left
nothing but love within
yourself
like gratefulness
like honesty
like morning light
falling where it wants
like holding your own hand
without expecting anyone
to hold it back
like finally hearing
your own name
and knowing
you were always enough
to answer
and maybe that is the song
i was trying to hear
all this time
beneath the noise
beneath the wanting
beneath every person
i thought i needed
to sing it for me
not one that brings you back
not one that asks you to stay
not one that turns the past
into something it was not
just one that reminds me
the music never left
i was simply listening
for it in someone else
until the room went quiet
and i realized
i was the song