in the spin of this
the sky of clouds
colors and hues i usually do not belong to
and i feel you in the crystals
the droplets
the ice forming slowly on windows
and the sky feels so brisk
like everything outside
is asking me to wake up
the moon at night
the stars
how they glisten
beneath the weight of darkness
and it reminds me of how
i felt before you
before i knew how quickly
someone could change the temperature
of a room
we wade in moments
and i love to wait too long
i love to weigh my thoughts
to hold them in my hands
and wonder what they mean
of what was once here
but now is gone
and what still lingers
even after it leaves
i touch the windows
they leave a print
my fingers against the cold
the fire burns in the fireplace
the smoke fills the space
and i love to frolic through
what i don’t know
because not knowing
and trying to understand
feels so beautiful to me
like wandering through fog
without needing to see
where the road will end
i stand in place
in this cold of the moment
the fire still building
and somehow we’re still burning
in the ways i leave
all this time
surrounding me
like heat trapped beneath skin
like winter holding something
it refuses to freeze
we lie in ourselves
in what we call this
in what we don’t
in what we should have called it
and i lie here
asking for all the rights
to stay just a little longer
a little softer
a little lighter
until the weight of it
doesn’t feel so heavy
so i can flick the lighter
and watch the flame catch
and we burn in what we become
not in what we lost
not in what we could have been
but in everything that remained
after the smoke cleared
because becoming is
the only thing
more beautiful than longing
for who you used to be
it’s watching yourself
step out of the fire
still warm
still breathing
and realizing
you became something
you never could have imagined
before